We've been watching the data. Running the analytics. Consulting the algorithm.
(Mostly just noticing what you lot keep buying.)
Ladies and gentlemen. Here is this week's UPS Top 10.
No.10 — Millac
The quiet professional. Cream, butter, dairy products that show up, do the job, and never once ask for the credit. The backbone of more professional kitchens than it will ever know. Underrated. Indispensable. The chart's most dignified entry.
No.9 — Hartley's
It wobbles. That's the whole thing. Been doing it since 1871 and nobody has asked it to stop. Available in more flavours than seems entirely necessary. Goes everywhere when you turn it out. An absolute classic holding its position in the chart with characteristic wobbly dignity.
No.8 — Callebaut
The sophisticated Belgian import. Professional chefs have been quietly obsessed with it for over 100 years. Whole-bean roasted. Bean to chocolate. Milk, dark, white — deep back catalogue, impeccable credentials. Climbs one place this week. Doesn't acknowledge the applause. Very Belgian.
No.7 — Hill Biscuits
NEW ENTRY! Straight into the chart at number 7. Yorkshire's finest, arriving in modest little packs of 3. Compact. Crunchy. Quietly confident. Has absolutely no idea how popular it's about to become. Watch this space.
No.6 — Border Biscuits
The Scottish legend. Been doing this for decades and shows no sign of slowing down. Viennese Whirls. Butterscotch Crunch. Five varieties in every luxury mini pack. The kind of biscuit that makes a standard Tuesday afternoon feel considerably more civilised. Holds firm at 6.
No.5 — Rowse
Up two places this week — on the move! The nation's most trusted honey, committed to protecting the bees it borrows from. Goes on toast, in tea, over porridge, or straight off the spoon (we don't judge). A genuinely lovely brand doing genuinely lovely things. Sticky in all the right ways.
No.4 — Tate & Lyle
The versatile veteran. Syrups. Sugars. Caramel. If Tate & Lyle were a band they'd have forty-seven albums, still sell out arenas, and have something for absolutely everyone in the building. Back catalogue so deep it's almost unreasonable. Holds strong at 4.
No.3 — Tiptree
Up to number 3! Fruit grown on the Wilkin family farm in Essex since 1757. Traditional recipes. No artificial colours or flavours. Strawberry Preserve. Orange Marmalade. Salted Caramel Spread. The kind of quality that doesn't need to shout. A genuine chart institution. Long may it reign.
No.2 — Radnor Hills
This week's highest climber — all the way up to number 2! Fresh spring water from the Welsh hills, blended with real fruit juice. School compliant. No added sugar. Multiple flavours. The drink your kids already know and love. Could it finally go all the way? So close. But not quite.
And at Number 1... for the third week running...
🏆 Pipers Crisps 🏆
Hand-cooked. Named after real places. 48 Great Taste Awards. Nine flavours. The only crisp that has ever needed its own chart position. Stays at the top because it absolutely deserves to be there.
No further questions.
